I officially complete one year in Boston today.
It's been one whole year of this new life... a new life I honestly didn't want. I loved my old life (I do recognize how incredibly fortunate I am to feel and say those words), I truly loved my old life.
I had a thriving business that was creative, challenging, demanding, and really fun. A business that grounded me in a community I loved, surrounded by people who's every day company made me very happy. A business that, to be totally upfront, fed my ego daily because I really felt like I was someone. I had a place I went to every morning that I was excited to go to, I was exhausted, but happy.
My family was near me. My mom and brother lived a 30 min drive away. My aunt (who is like a second mother to me) lived a 20 min drive away, my dad in Mexico City was a 3 hr, $80 plane ride away - and I could hire someone for as long as I wanted to come and take my place while I spent time with him. I had friends around too and lots of acquaintances. Familiar faces every single day, I just now see how valuable that is to me.
Places, too. A physical map of San Diego was intertwined with my inner emotional map. That hill, where I liked to sit and picnic with my dog. Those places where my girlfriends and I liked to have cocktails and eat and laugh. That shore where I'd sit in the mornings with a good book and watch out to make sure a shark didn't eat my husband while he was out in the ocean. Those coffee shops, each one serving an exact purpose depending on my craving or mood. So many emotional landmarks too. Oh, and it was warm.
Where am I after a year of leaving all of that behind to start a new life here with my husband? Well, I have good weeks and bad weeks. On a bad week, I get unexpected, crushing waves of nostalgia and fear, fear that I won't ever have exactly what I had again. But on a good week I feel content and living in the moment. I've gotten to take in sights I never would have dreamed. I've experienced seasons and holidays that felt incredibly authentic with my partner. I'm building a home and a life with someone that is our very own and in a beautiful place.
All in all, I feel like I've stepped into the experience of living someone's life in a cute home in great neighborhood in an amazing city. I'm trying to get past feeling like I'm a visitor in someone else's life, and appreciate it for what it truly is, my life.
I'm stepping into this second year with the hope that the worst moving pains are behind me. I'm going to have some mantras on repeat, like It's okay to make this place your home. You have purpose here, too. You'll have exactly what you want again, someday. Your dad is okay. You are okay.
Anyway, I hope I wasn't such a damper... but this is my experience with this move. I thank my family and friends for listening to me, nodding with me, and assuring me everything was and is going to be okay. And for others who have shared their pain of moving with me, it was my lifeline.
Boston, let's get better acquainted this year, I think I'm ready to get to know you...